Correcting a Brother or Sister

By Greg Gay
Christian Expositor 2002

MATTHEW 18: 15-17

One of the greatest tragedies in the church is when Christians sin against one another. God is certainly disappointed when His children do not walk in the light in any area of life, but He must be especially disappointed when He sees His children biting and devouring one another in sin. God wants and expects our interactions with one another in the church of Christ to exemplify love, respect, and holiness.

The Apostle Paul describes the relationships we are to enjoy in the church. "fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind." (Philippians 2:2). He also writes: "Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma" (Ephesians 5:1-2).

To walk in love is to walk together in agreement as well. We are never to sacrifice obedience to God's truths in seeking to walk together in love. The Apostle John writes: "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth" (3 John 4).

Jesus taught: "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:34-35). The love that Jesus says we are to possess to such a degree that it becomes an identifying characteristic of our discipleship is agape love—love that is fulfilled by action and service. This is the love God displayed toward us in the giving of His Son, Jesus (John 3:16).

Even though it is God's desire that we love one another and walk in truth in one accord, He wisely makes divine provision for what we are to do when we sin against one another. One area of the Word of God that deals with this subject is Matthew 18.

In Matthew 18 we find the two great themes of repentance and forgiveness. For Jesus to spend so much time on these subjects, illustrating them so clearly, should let us know these subjects are very important to learn. In the first part of the chapter (Matthew 18:1-11), Jesus uses a child to illustrate the innocence and preciousness of kingdom citizens. He pronounces a "woe," foretelling future eternal calamity, upon anyone who dares to influence any of God's children to sin. How far should one go to avoid hurting a fellow believer? We should prefer to have a millstone tied to us and be thrown into the depths of the sea.

We are also to avoid carefully being influenced by others to sin. How far are we to go to avoid committing sin? Jesus uses the exaggerated examples of cutting off our hands and feet and plucking out our eyes rather than using them to sin and losing our souls in hell.

We should prefer to die rather than to influence anyone to sin, and we should prefer to lose part of our physical body before we would sin and become an erring child of God and promoting sinful behavior that causes others to be lost.

We dare not say the loss of a Christian here or there makes no difference to God. Jesus illustrates the importance of every believer by telling the story of the one lost sheep the shepherd goes to find, leaving behind the ninety and nine who are not lost (Matthew 18:12-14).

At the end of the chapter (Matthew 18: 21-35), Jesus illustrates the importance of being willing to forgive one another. He tells the story of a servant who was forgiven a debt that was so huge it was impossible to repay. Then, that same forgiven servant would not forgive a fellow servant a very small debt. He was punished because he who was given mercy failed to be merciful. Jesus' point of the story is this: if we are not willing to forgive one another, God will not forgive us. Therefore, we determine whether or not God forgives us by the attitudes we manifest toward one another.

But what if a Christian is not deterred by God's warnings and goes ahead with a trespass against another Christian? What is the Christian to do that has been trespassed against? Jesus answers with these words from Matthew 18:15-17: "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. "

Christians Only Notice that the issue Jesus addresses in Matthew 18:15-17 is between brethren, meaning two Christians. These verses do not apply when someone of the world sins against a Christian. We are to expect worldly people to sin against us. Paul tells us: "Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution." (2 Timothy 3:12). Peter says: "For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God." (1 Peter 2:20). "But let none of you suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or as a busybody in other people's matters. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter." (1 Peter 4:15-16).

The Trespass A trespass is a sin, a violation of the commands, examples, and inferences of God's Word. This means the trespass cannot be merely hurt feelings. It also cannot be a difference of opinion regarding a liberty as described in Romans 14, where one can do or not do what is in question and God accepts them regardless of their choice (Romans 14:1-6). For example, we may not appreciate someone's perfume, but that does not mean they have sinned against us. We may not like where someone sits during worship but that is not a sin. These are issues for mature and wise Christians to keep to themselves. When immature and unwise Christians attempt to make these types of things sins, mature and wise congregational leadership must gently rebuke the one who says they have been offended.

There are textual questions about the words translated "against thee" in the phrase "trespass against thee" in Matthew 18:15. If the words are not genuine then the passage would refer to all sin in general. But if the words are genuine then the passage refers to sin committed against a fellow believer. Regardless of the difficulty of determining if those words are in the original, Peter's question to Jesus regarding His teaching indicates he understood Jesus to be talking about private sins of a fellow believer. " 'Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?'Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven' " (Matthew 18:21-22).

Private Rebuke for Private Trespass Once someone has committed a trespass against us Jesus says we are to "go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone." Notice how very private this begins. Yes, we are to rebuke our brother, but the rebuke is to be as private as the offense.

When We Rebuke Someone for Their Sin
When we are the recipients of a trespass we should remember to be more filled with sorrow than with anger that such a sin has happened at all. How God must feel when his children hurt one another in such ways! Yes, we must go to our brother, but our heart is broken because his soul is in danger of being lost. Our words of rebuke must be chosen very carefully. Paul warns, "Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted" (Galatians 6:1).

When We Are The One Being Rebuked
for Our Sin What should our attitude be when we are confronted by a brother and told we have trespassed against him? Rather than swelling with pride, rather than striking back, rather than being filled with anger, we should remember that our attitude is to be that we would rather have a millstone tied around our neck and die then to sin against our brother. So, of course, we should be filled with sorrow and look for immediate ways to eliminate the possibility of sin. There is no room for haughtiness here.

It is intended that the knowledge that someone has anything against us should trouble us greatly and lead to repentance. "Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift." (Matthew 5:23-24).

The Desired Result Jesus says, "... If he hears you, you have gained your brother." (Matthew 18:15). We want our brother to hear us. We want our brother, our brother in sin, to be restored to faithfulness. If our brother repents, prayer for forgiveness and restoration is certainly in order and likely nothing more needs to be done. But what if he does not listen? It may be that the sinning brother decides that what he is being accused of doing is either not true or is not a sin. Jesus answers: "But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established"(Matthew 18:16).

This is the same as the Old Testament rule in dealing with a situation where the word of one person was not enough for a person to be considered guilty of violating the Law. "At the mouth of two witnesses, or three witnesses, shall he that is worthy of death be put to death; but at the mouth of one witness he shall not be put to death" (Deuteronomy 17:6).

Who Should You Take With You? Knowledge of the sin must now be shared, but only on a very limited basis. Notice that no more than one or two additional people, as required by the Scriptures, need to know of the problem. Notice how God protects the honor of the sinful brother. Remember, our desire is to solve the problem as privately and as quickly as is reasonably possible.

I would think the ones to take with us would be someone who has influence in the life of the person who has sinned. I do not think we would want strangers to the sinner to attempt to help with the situation, even though their Bible knowledge may be excellent. This can be complicated if there is more than one congregation involved. I would think the best help would come from the congregation of the brother who has committed the offense.

What If No One Will Go With You? If no one will go with the one who believes he has been trespassed against it should make him reconsider whether or not there has been a misunderstanding or a difference of opinion rather than the committing of a sin. These are very serious matters and must be approached very carefully.

The Desired Result The goal here is the same as that of the previous meeting. Jesus says, "If he hears you, you have gained your brother." (Matthew 18:15). Again, we want our brother to hear us. Again, we want our brother, our brother in sin, to be restored to faithfulness. Again, if our brother repents, certainly prayer for forgiveness and restoration is in order and likely nothing more needs to be done. What if he does not hear? If after two meetings the offending brother is still stubbornly insisting he is not wrong and is not going to repent of his sin that has now been established in the "mouth of two or three witnesses"

There Are More Sad Steps to Take. The next step is public exposure of the sin. "And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican" (Matthew 18:17).

When The Church Is Told If the leadership of the congregation has not been involved previously they would need to be approached now to be informed and to approve this action beforehand and to be the ones to make the decision regarding proceeding with the required announcement. Just because a person thinks someone has sinned against them and just because they have gathered others who agree with them does not guarantee there is sin.

When the announcement is made the entire congregation has an obligation to be a positive influence to try to win their brother. Personal, family, and congregational prayer in hope of the repentance of the offending brother would certainly be in order, but other action is also demanded. Whatever anyone can do to try to influence the brother to repent so he can be safe in God's sight must be done at this time. Let all who are able to do so communicate in the many ways possible (personal visits, cards, letters, phone calls, emails) in the hope that he might be saved.

After the announcement is made it is not the place of the others in the congregation to "retry" the matter. This is not to be a time of debate. This is to be a time to trust that what has been announced is valid and all must join together to influence the offending brother to repentance.

Embarrassing family members
The public announcement of a lack of repentance must be done as respectfully as possible for the sake of all concerned, but it still must be done. Family members of the offending brother may be embarrassed and should be given special comfort and assurances of love and care during this tragic time in their lives. I think it only respectful to warn any family members of the offending brother that the announcement is going to be made at a certain service. That is not so the family can run to another congregation but so they can be there in full support of the truth even as they mourn. The family of the erring brother should not be part of the decision making process in deciding to announce the brother's sin lest their embarrassment hinder necessary actions.

The Desired Result The goal here is the same as the previous meetings. Jesus says, "If he hears you, you have gained your brother." (Matthew 18:15). Again, we want our brother to hear us. Again, we want our brother, our brother in sin, to be restored to faithfulness. Again, if our brother repents, certainly prayer for forgiveness and restoration is in order and likely nothing more needs to be done.

If after two meetings and exposure to the entire congregation the offending brother is still stubbornly insisting he is not wrong and is not going to repent of his sin there is one more sad step to take.

The last step is public censure, rejection from fellowship. "And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector" (Matthew 18:17). As before, this public announcement must be done as respectfully as possible for all concerned. The entire congregation should now mourn the loss of their brother to Satan's devices.

Usual Communication Stops
At this point the offending brother has no fellowship with the church and is the recipient of the discipline of the church. Fellowship has been withdrawn from him.

There is much debate on how far this censure must go. Let me simply point out, at a minimum, there must be a change in the relationship all have with the censured sinner. We must expect those who are immature in the faith to not understand and perhaps not cooperate. There can be other complications where limited or even no cooperation would be expected, such as in the spouse and young children of the offending brother. But, for others who are supposedly mature in Christ to pretend the withdrawal of fellowship never happened does not help. In fact, it is wrong.

Church Discipline by The Local Church
for The Church Universal Once the congregation makes the decision to withdraw fellowship their action is conducted locally for the church universal. Just as we do not have to be baptized again when we move from congregation to congregation, in like manner, church discipline does not have to be repeated by every congregation. One congregation's action is sufficient for the whole church.

When erring members who are disciplined flee to a nearby congregation they should not be accepted with open arms. They need to be told they are expected to go back where they came from and clear up the matter of the discipline that is outstanding against them. Then, if they want to come back they will be welcomed.

Private Rebuke for Public Trespass? It is not unusual to hear that we must approach a public offender privately following the steps of Matthew 18:15-17
We can see that the Apostle Paul did not follow Matthew 18:15-17 when he handled a situation with the Apostle Peter. When Peter went astray in Antioch we are told Paul "withstood him to the face because he was to be blamed" (Galatians 2:11) and Paul tells us he confronted Peter "before them all" (Galatians 2:14).

It appears elders convincing gainsayers (Titus 1:9) may be called upon to do so in situations that make a private rebuke impossible, such as in the public assembly if a false teacher presents false doctrine in public.

Since Jesus gave the words of Matthew 18:15-17 to the apostles and since we see apostles not following them in every situation requiring rebuke and discipline, I believe we can conclude that Matthew 18:15-17 is not intended for every situation. I think we know that. For example, I do not believe our brethren would remain silent until they could arrange a private meeting if someone were to wheel a piano into the church building right before worship on Lord's Day and start playing the songs as they were announced. We would likely follow-up with further meetings, but such violations would be handled immediately.

All of us are prone to get our feathers ruffled when someone speaks out against us. We all want what we do to be acceptable to all. But, sometimes we err. If our errors are private, I think we can expect Matthew 18:15-17 to be followed. But, if our errors are public, I do not think we should be surprised if we are rebuked publicly and that few would approach us individually.

I am sure God would hope our hearts would be tender for the truth even if we are hurt by how we are opposed. I rather doubt Peter liked being rebuked by Paul in front of everyone when it happened, let alone to have the confrontation recorded by inspiration for eternity. Yet how he responded proved his love for the truth meant more than his personal feelings.

It looks like the Bible's response to error is related to knowledge and possible influence of the error. A private sin is to be handled between just two people if at all possible. On the other hand, when false teaching was spread from congregation to congregation, truth's response was given from congregation to congregation and even written in the form of a letter to be shared openly (Acts 15).

How Long Does The Process Take? There are no guidelines that demand the steps of Matthew 18:15-17 must take few or many days. I would think it wise to give an offending brother plenty of time to think about his repentance, but not so long that all is forgotten and swept under the rug. It is likely any deadlines given for repentance need to be quite flexible.

What If He Never Repents? If our brother never repents then we continue to mourn his rebellion. We want to always be able to look back on the situation with a clear conscience knowing we did our best to help save our brother. Whether a few days or many years go by so long as the brother never repents he is to be known as a rebellious brother who refuses God's discipline in his life.

Brethren, if we work hard to serve one another lawfully in the kingdom it is unlikely discipline will ever be necessary. We are free to serve one another. Let us show our thankfulness for that freedom by the service we render to others and let us be very careful to not sin against one another.

"For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself. But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!" (Galatians 5:13-15).

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WHAT CAN YOU DO? You can accept the authority of Christ by doing what He commanded (Matthew 7:21; John 14:15; 15:10-14; Luke 6:46). Notice the pattern for becoming a Christian as revealed in the Scriptures. The Gospel was heard, resulting in faith (Romans 10:17). Repentance of (turning away from) sin (Acts 17:30) and confession of Jesus as the Son of God followed (Romans 10:10). Believers were baptized INTO Christ for the remission (forgiveness) of sins (See Galatians 3:27; Colossians 2:12; Acts 2:38; 22:16; Mark 16:16; Romans 6:3-5; 1 Peter 3:20-21), and added to His church (Acts 2:47). Christians were taught to be faithful even to the point of death (Revelation 2:10).

WE WELCOME YOU Following the instructions of the Scriptures, members of Christ’s body assemble as congregations for worship, encouragement, and Bible study. The congregation in your community welcomes you to investigate the Bible with us. With a spirit of brotherly love we would seek to reconcile any differences by following the Bible ONLY. We recognize the Bible as God’s inspired word, the ONLY reliable standard of faith and practice. We desire the unity for which Christ prayed and which the Bible emphasizes in the expression, “one Lord, one faith, one baptism.” Together we seek to maintain “the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

A friendly welcome awaits you. We do not wish to embarrass you in any way. You will not be asked for contributions. We assemble for Bible study and worship each Sunday morning and we welcome you to meet with us. We would be happy to talk to you about your questions and we want to be of encouragement. Please contact me, Dennis Crawford, at BibleTruthsToU@gmail.com or 253-396-0290 (cell) for comments or further Bible information, or for the location of a congregation belonging to Jesus Christ near you.